You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
