you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
