Swine flu. Run for my life!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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