it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
