have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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