I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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