I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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