I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
