Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
