tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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