Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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