If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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