Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
