Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
