Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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