I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my being single is dangerous.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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