just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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