I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
