how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
