Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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