so explain again why im purple
no
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
