You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it because I queefed?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
