I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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