hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
