He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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