I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
