My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
