Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
