She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
