You don't have asthma, your pregnant
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
