end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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