HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
