Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
