wanna go halves on a baby?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
