Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
