do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drunk is a universal language darling
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