Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love having hate sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
