He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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