I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
