I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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