i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
