He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
