i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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