I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
