Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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