Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
