Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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