she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
