he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
