no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
