Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
