the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
