I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
